


What Started Out as a Feeling

by BeyondtheBarricade



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 06:51:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3478547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeyondtheBarricade/pseuds/BeyondtheBarricade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of the romance between Caspian and Susan blossoming behind the scenes during Prince Caspian</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Started Out as a Feeling

After speaking with the Professor, Caspian went to seek out Queen Susan. He could tell that she now despised him by the look she had given him after he almost made that evil deal with the White Witch. He knew he had no right to ask for her forgiveness and she had every right to despise him, but he would make an attempt, even if all that would come of it was her putting him down. He had only just realized how much he was in love with her, and though he knew he had no chance with her, he could not stand having her hate him.

Susan was sitting alone, staring out towards the woods. Her ankles were crossed and she sat straight, as though the ground was her throne. Caspian lingered, unsure of how to approach her. He gazed at her dark hair, admiring how it flowed down her back. Apparently she had heard him walk up, because she suddenly said in a flat, cold voice, "I do not wish to speak with you, Caspian." She continued to stare out towards the woods and ignore him.

"Please hear me out, my lady. Your majesty," Caspian fumbled. Susan crossed her arms across her chest, but did not forbid him from speaking, so he sat next to her. She turned her head slightly away from him.

"Your majesty, about what happened-"

"I do not wish to hear some half-hearted ridiculous excuse, your highness," she said coldly. Caspian felt almost a physical pain at her words.

"It's not half-hearted!" Caspian cried out, then caught himself. "I must ask your pardon, your majesty. I didn't mean to yell."

"Out of everything you have done, that's what you apologize for?" Susan said in the same cold voice.

"Your brother almost gave in to her too!" Caspian yelled, and then winced at his own harsh words. He saw Susan's jaw harden and she finally turned to him, but it was to glare at him. Caspian felt his blood rush and his heart started pounding. She might have been known as the Gentle, but her look now was anything but that. He started wondering if she had a dagger on her person and scooted back a bit.

"Yes, I know. He said there was some powerful magic in that ring, and we do not hold it against you that while you were in that ring, you found her difficult to resist. However, you were clearly there before the ring was created. Why were you even in a room with the likes of a hag and a werewolf? Why would you allow them to draw the circle? And I certainly hope this was their idea and not yours! And even before that, you chose an attempt at revenge at the bloody expense of Narnian lives. Did their lives mean so little to you that you would waste them so?" she said fiercely.

She glared at him, and he felt so incredibly small and insignificant. He looked down at the ground, ashamed to even look at her. She was the queen of legend. The queen known for disdaining the many kings and princes who sought her hand. If they weren't good enough for her to marry, how could he ever be good enough for her to even consider him? For her to even forgive him? He, the son of the enemies who took Narnia from their people; the Telmarine who nearly brought back the evil White Witch who had enslaved Narnians for a century; the hot-tempered boy who sought revenge against his uncle over the lives of the Narnians.

As he stared towards the ground, Susan felt herself soften. She hadn't meant to lose her temper on him, rather like Peter had. Caspian looked so ashamed, like Edmund had after returning from the White Witch. Susan suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to take Caspian into her arms and comfort him. She settled for taking his chin in her hand and raising his head to look at her.

"Your majesty?" he asked tentatively, dropping his eyes, afraid of what he would see in her eyes if he looked in them. But if he had only looked up he would have seen only tenderness and kindness, and perhaps even love.

"I'm sorry for losing my temper right now. But I do want answers from you, since you have already sought me out anyways," Susan said, much more calmly than she had before. Caspian felt soothed by her words.

"My queen, I have failed you," he said, reaching out his hands. She hesitated, but then placed her hands on them and allowed him to run his thumbs over her fingers, feeling her skin become warm where he touched her. Caspian felt his heart skip a beat at her touch.

"I know I've done wrong. I know I will never be deserving of your forgiveness. Especially after knowingly turning to your worst enemies, an ultimate, unforgivable betrayal," Caspian began, stopping when Susan pulled one of her hands out of his and gently placing it against his lips.

"There is nothing you can do that would be so horrid that it would be unforgivable. Never say that. If there was a such a possibility, my own brother would have been lost to me after his betrayal to the Witch," Susan pleaded earnestly. Caspian shook his head.

"He's your brother. And the king, Aslan's chosen. I'm… I'm a prince of the people who stole Narnia from the Narnians and drove them into hiding," Caspian said, dropping his head again. Susan placed her hand on his neck.

"You're the one who inspired them, gave them hope enough to leave hiding. And you may not be a king of Narnia yet, but I know Aslan has plans for you. I've never heard of my horn having power to create portals between the worlds before. He would have never let you blowing it to have such an effect if he didn't have plans for you. And as for Edmund being my brother, yes that did factor into my forgiving him, because I care deeply about him. But… even if I only just met you, I care about you too."

"You do?" Caspian said, his shock at everything else she said disappearing at the realization that she, the beautiful Queen of old, might care about him, even the littlest bit.

"Of course. We all do. Including Peter. Especially Peter. He might not show it well, but as his sister, I can always tell," Susan said comfortingly, running a hand up and down his arm. Caspian blinked, not quite believing her, but hoping against all hope that it was true.

"Thank you, my queen. I do not deserve these kind words, but your faith in me will drive me to do my best for Narnia. And I pledge my life in service to you, my queen, and would gladly give up my life fighting for you," he said, taking her hand and bending down to kiss it reverently. His lips lingered far too long over her hand. Susan impulsively ran her fingers through his hair. Caspian looked up and gazed into her eyes longingly, wishing for more of her healing touch, but afraid to ask and make her despise him for being too presumptuous. He longed desperately for her to comfort him, for him to be able to ask more of her than simply allowing him to fight and die for her.

Susan saw the love in his eyes. Although she had many suitors as queen and many boys interested in her in England, she had never been looked this way before. All her suitors had been interested in possessing her, a pretty object to show off. Some of the boys in England were better about realizing a girl may have feelings and a life, but were all too young for love.

"Your siblings are probably going to wonder where you are eventually," Caspian said awkwardly, trying to get a grasp on reality, rather than his daydreams of himself and Susan.

Susan felt hurt. Was he trying to get rid of her? "Yes, I suppose so," she said, a bit more coldly than she meant.

Caspian noticed the coldness, and was confused what made her suddenly turn cold towards him again. "I'm sorry if something I said was inappropriate, your majesty," he said, confusion and pain apparent in his voice.

"Oh, no," Susan said absentmindedly. She began to stand and Caspian tried to help her up.

"I can stand up by myself perfectly fine, thank you very much," Susan said, a bit sarcastically.

Caspian's face flushed and he gave her a small bow, saying, "Forgive me, your majesty. I did not mean to presume otherwise."

Susan felt embarrassed for overreacting so. She had a feeling her time in Narnia would be shorter this time, and did not want to waste any more time with useless quarreling.

"No, I fear I am to blame for overreacting so," she said calmly.

"You could never be at blame for anything, you're perfect," Caspian blurted out before realizing what he had said. He blushed and stepped back, stammering, "I'm sorry, didn't I mean I, um."

Susan was generally not the impulsive type. But if her time in Narnia might be running out, she should act before losing time. She tenderly put a hand to his cheek, smoothly caressing it and then moving it to the back of his neck, her fingers entangled in his hair. His eyes widened in surprise and hope. He hesitantly put his arm on her waist and pulled her towards him slightly.

"Um, just what is going on here?" Edmund asked, walking in on the two. They both blushed and quickly stepped away. Edmund simply shook his head and said, "Peter's gonna kill you if he finds out."

"No! No, it's… it's not what it looks like," Susan protested. Edmund lazily lifted an eyebrow, clearly not believing her.

"The Telmarine army," Caspian suddenly said unexpectedly. Susan and Edmund turned to him in confusion and then saw the army gathering.

"I should go get Pete," Edmund said, hurrying off.

"So, um…" Caspian started. Susan shot him a look and he quickly busied himself with looking over the Telmarine army, realizing pushing any further would probably not end well for him.

After Caspian had saved Susan in the woods, there was no choice but for them to ride the horse together. Not that either of them were too upset over that. Susan laid her head on the back of his shoulder. Caspian had to hold back from grinning like an idiot. They were about to go into battle, he simply had to stop thinking of the incredible woman who was touching him, holding him. Suddenly Susan pulled back and sat upright again. Caspian stole a glance back, hurt, and she whispered, "We're almost there. Let's not distract Peter by getting him angry while he's fighting."

Caspian nodded and added seriously, "I'd also rather not anger him while he has a weapon in hand." Susan merely laughed, before sobering at the sight of her brother fighting Miraz.

"My queen," Caspian called to Susan, who was sitting by the window, reading a book. "Um, ahhh, I wished to speak with you. So... what are you reading?" He didn't actually care, but his eloquence seemed to be failing him when he needed it the most.

She lifted the book to show him the cover. It was entitled The Legendary Gentle Queen.

"Oh, fairy tales. I don't think such a person ever existed," Susan said teasingly. Caspian was captivated by the smile she gave.

"You must be right. It's unfair for anyone to be so brave, so intelligent, so loving, so beautiful, and never miss a shot. That would make them far too perfect," Caspian said, sitting on the couch beside her and daring to stroke her cheek. When she didn't react, he quickly pulled his hand back, but then she reached and pulled his hand back to her cheek.

"Yes, it's impossible. No one is perfect. I'm sure this legendary queen had many faults," Susan said.

"On the contrary, I think she had none. It's no wonder that so many sought her hand, but were not worthy of her. I wonder what a man would have to do to be worthy of her, if such a man even exists," Caspian said questioningly. He gazed into her eyes, looking for answers. She hesitated before continuing.

"Those seeking her hand most likely only noticed one of the qualities you mentioned: her beauty. A beautiful object to possess, to show off. To have their way with at night," she said bitterly.

"I would never do that to you," Caspian whispered, dropping the façade. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and she leaned back into his chest, accepting his comfort. "You are so much more than simply a beauty. Your passion, your independence, your strength, your intelligence, none of those would exist anymore if you were to be locked away like a pretty jewel."

"Thank you," Susan said, tears in her eyes.

"Why do you cry… my love?" Caspian added the "my love" part hesitantly. He could feel his palms getting sweaty and heart pounding and hoped she hadn't noticed.

Susan suddenly jerked away from him, staring at his face. She didn't know her own feelings. She had never felt this way before. If it was love she was feeling, then how could she ever return to England? She then bit her lip uncertainly, and whispered, "I'm afraid."

Caspian grabbed her about her shoulders, bringing her closer to him again and pleaded, "Why? Are you scared of me? I swear, by Aslan himself, I would never ever do anything to harm you, and never see you as a possession."

Susan only cried harder and wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him in so close that there was just a few inches of space between them. "I love you, King Caspian, king of my heart."

"And I love you, legendary Gentle Queen Susan, queen of my heart," he whispered passionately. They looked into each other's eyes and leaned in even closer, their lips about to touch.

"Susan! Hey, um… what's going on here?" Peter said, running in and then looking at them suspiciously. Caspian and Susan both quickly drew back from each other like they had been burned, their faces red with embarrassed at being caught. Caspian scooted as far away from Susan as the couch would allow.

"So… what exactly was just going on in here?" Peter asked again, after neither would respond.

"Nothing, we were just talking," Susan said a bit too quickly.

"Mhmm, sure," Peter said, amused. "Anyways, I came to get you because Aslan wants to talk to us." Caspian started to get up, so Peter clarified, "Susan and I, alone. He said for you to assemble the Telmarines and Narnians while the three of us talked." Caspian looked hurt, but sat back down. Peter extended his arm towards his sister and she took it. Caspian stared longingly after her and was rewarded when she looked behind herself at him with the same longing look. Peter glanced towards her, and she quickly faced forwards again.

As he escorted her towards the part of the castle where Aslan was waiting for them, Peter brusquely asked, "Are you and Caspian in love?"

"What! Of all ridiculous… I've only just met him. One does not fall in love that quickly. It's not practical. It's a thing of fairy tales."

"So are four children coming through a wardrobe and defeating an evil witch," Peter teased. "C'mon sis, I'm your brother. I can tell these things."

"How would you? I've never been in love before," Susan retorted.

"Ah, so you admit you're in love," Peter said triumphantly.

Susan pulled out her arm and smacked Peter's arm with a glare that was really more of a smile.

"C'mon sis," he said, grabbing her hand. She tensed for a moment, then relaxed.

"I figured you would be more upset that happy about it. You always despised the suitors who came for my hand. This world and the other one."

"So did you," Peter pointed out.

"Not all of them. The whole Calormene incident would have never happened if I had despised Rabadash from the beginning as you did."

"Because I could tell he was trying to buy your affection. He never looked at you like Caspian looks at you nor you at him like you do Caspian- really did you think I hadn't noticed?" Peter said, noticing Susan's surprise. "You're my sister, I pay attention because I don't want any man to hurt you. Or think they can buy you."

"And you think Caspian won't hurt me or try to buy me?" Susan said with a smile.

"I don't think so. But I am keeping my eyes on him so if he does either of those, he better watch out or his head will wonder where the rest of his body went," Peter said threatening.

Susan smiled and gave her brother a big hug. "There's the overprotective brother I love."

Caspian returned from assembling the Telmarines and Narnians for whatever it was Aslan was planning. For whatever it was that apparently he could tell Peter and Susan but not him. Caspian had been a bit hurt by that. He thought Aslan had trusted him, despite his Telmarine background, but it seemed that trust only went so far. He suddenly saw the three of them walking past as he hurried down the stairs. He stopped and gave a quick bow. He saw sadness in Susan's eyes as she looked at him, and he wondered at what it meant. He worried that Peter might have found out and forbidden her from being around him, but Peter had no anger in his eyes, only the same sadness Susan had.

Susan was torn by what Aslan had told her. Leaving the first time was impossible, but they hadn't known they were leaving, so they were able to do it. How was she supposed to be able to just walk away from Narnia? And from… Caspian? Susan shook her head sadly. She never was the type to plan her life around boys before, but now that she knew that type of love, it would leave a hole she feared may never heal. She saw him walk up to them and had to restrain herself from crying. I am a Queen. I do not cry over boys, she told herself stubbornly.

Susan was touched by Caspian's devotion to Peter in promising to protect his sword until their return. But she knew they had to speak up and tell Caspian themselves.

"That's just it. We're not coming back," she said. She couldn't bear to tell him goodbye.

Caspian's vision blurred. He barely understood what was going on as Susan and Peter explained that Aslan said they weren't to return. He felt his heavy heart lift slightly as Peter said he thought Lucy and Edmund would be able to return. But not her…

"I'm glad I came back," Susan said, approaching Caspian.

"I wish we had more time together," Caspian said fervently. Susan saw the pain and his eyes and tried to ease it by joking about the age difference. She was happy to see a small smile escape from him, although it didn't quite reach his eyes. Susan turned to leave the scene gracefully, but then looked back, realizing it was now or never, so screw propriety and etiquette. She ran up to him and kissed him passionately.

Caspian froze in disbelief. He had only just gotten used to the idea that she had forgiven him, he still couldn't believe that she would have any interest in him after spurning so many. Now they were showing their love with a kiss. Showing her love for him in front of everyone, especially… yikes Peter. But Peter was only looking on in amusement, not anger. Susan stopped kissing him and gazed into his eyes. He saw the pain in her eyes and realized how hard leaving was for her. He grabbed her, not knowing if he was trying to comfort her or himself. When he felt her pull away, it was all he could do to keep from grabbing her and forcing her to stay right there in his arms, forever. When she left, so would his heart, for she was the queen of his heart.

Susan knew she could stay no longer. She joined her siblings, in the formation they had made so often. When she entered the train station, she knew that was it. She would never love a man the way she had. It didn't matter that eventually the boys in England would grow up and mature, they would never be Caspian, the king of her heart.

It started out as a feeling  
Which then grew into a hope  
Which then turned into a quiet thought  
Which then turned into a quiet word  
And then that word grew louder and louder  
'Til it was a battle cry  
I'll come back when you call me  
No need to say goodbye


End file.
